When I was in high school, 10th grade in fact, I liked this 12th grade boy he was very popular and transferred from a different school. He started my school second semester.
He was very good-looking, he reminded me of a young Robert DeNiro the actor, and I had a crush on Robert DeNiro.
His name was George, and he was a jock, he played football, but he wasn’t a very big guy, in fact, he was rather scrawny to play football. However, he had a Letterman jacket which was full of accolades for all his football stats from his former school, which by the way, was our rival high school.
So, on top of being a cute new face on campus he was also dangerous, since you just didn’t wear your rival high school Letterman’s jacket, without getting flak from the other students, but he didn’t get any flak.
In 10th grade I wasn’t a super goober, but I was a goober. I wouldn’t have been in the A group, but maybe B/C group. Just above drama and musical geeks. I hung out with the smart kids, not because I was so smart, but because I was in gifted classes and those were the smart kids.
So, since I was a goober, and in 10th grade, and part of the smart kid group, I had a lot working against me. I mean, he was a 12th grader with superstar status. What was I thinking? Nothing really cause it would never happen.
All I wanted to know was, did he have a girlfriend, and was she super pretty?
One other thing going against me was, he and I weren’t the same race, he’s Hispanic, which is fine with me, but who knew how he felt about me? It was supposed to be a dream sequence, as far as I was concerned, meaning it would never happen, and I didn’t really want anything to happen, anyway. Really!!!!
So, I asked a few of my girl classmates about him, and they gave me the skinny on the new guy. My friend, Maria to be exact, knew him personally.
She said, “no he doesn’t have a girlfriend but, he’s super popular, she also said, “a lot of girls like him.” So I nonchalantly said, “well I just want to say, he’s super cute.” Not that I was putting my bid in, I just wanted her to know my opinion. I also wondered if she liked him?
So what does, Maria do? She goes and tells him that some 10th graders think he’s cute, then proceeds to name, names!
When she told me this, I was mortified and embarrassed, but wasn’t too worried being that he didn’t really know me anyway. Maria explained, that, he was a family friend to her family, and she saw him all the time at her house chatting it up with her brother. Also, that he liked going to this new school. She said, “it just kind of came out.” She explained, she wasn’t trying to embarrass us, but she wanted him to know that he was getting positive feedback since being there.
I thought, HOGWASH!!!! Why does a guy who looks like him need positive feedback? So, then she tells me, “I told him, even a black girl likes you.” And that is when, I nearly fainted on the floor. I was in utter panic, I wanted to throw up, run screaming down the halls. And to think I just saw him that day, and he knew.
No wonder he was staring at me today, when yesterday he didn’t know I was alive!!! I thought, yep, I’m telling my mom tonight, there is no way I can ever step foot on that campus again, my anonymity was gone. So I needed to go, and unfortunately homeschooling wasn’t popular back then nor was dropping out, a viable option.
So, for a week, I was able to play sick, until my mom finally said, “if you still feel bad tomorrow, we are going to the doctor.” So, obviously, I didn’t tell my mom about what happened, nor was I going too. She would have just laughed and said, “it’s just growing pains, you’ll live.” So, I mustered all the strength I had in me, first, not to kill Maria, then to face the music.
So I did it, and after that true confession, he never stopped staring at me or smiling at me. I was always awkward around him dropping books, feeling like an idiot, trying to avoid him every chance I got. For the rest of the of the school year, he stared at me. Til, one day, as I walked to my locker, he was standing there with Maria, so I did what any goober would do, I turned around and made a b line for the bathroom!!!
I mean my goodness, all I said was he was cute, I didn’t expect that to turn into a stalker fest, sheesh. I tried to get myself together and come out, but I waited til the bell rang and walked out. It was all clear, I came out of the bathroom, ran to class, since it was last period, when class was over, I busted out of the classroom and started walking home quickly.
That next Monday, I decided that no matter what, I would at least say hello to him. So, I saw him as I was walking into to school, and as he saw me he said teasingly, “hi Sharon.” I smiled and said hello, with my head down and walked right passed him. When I got to home room Maria said, “so what happened to you when you were walking to your locker, you know he saw you right?” I said, “yes, but I wasn’t ready, and you could have given me a heads up.” So she said, “after school today he wants to meet you, will you be ready?” I said, “yes.” Finally, although painful, facing things head on is always better, for nerves as well as building up character. What’s the saying they use now? Lean into it. My suggestion to anyone reading this, is face it don’t fight it or runaway, it might turn out to have a interesting ending, mine did. Shazza ~ Musings&Rants
Musings&Rants 